


Almost See the Light

by Elske



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 23:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12568244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elske/pseuds/Elske
Summary: Sometimes your brain gets overloaded and sometimes the dam on your emotions breaks and sometimes you have someone whose arms you can fall into as you finish falling apart and start rebuilding.





	Almost See the Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lawyerboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawyerboyfriends/gifts).



It’s somewhere around four in the morning when the phone rings. Rafael is instantly awake, scooping his phone up in his hand, looking at the image on the screen, swiping to answer it. “Hello,” he says, and there’s only quiet in response. “Sonny?” he asks, and then, “Are you okay?” More silence, and then a soft, sharply cut-off “No” in response.

“I’ll be right there, okay?” Rafael murmurs, as he sits up in bed, throws back the blankets. “I’ll be right there,” again, a reassurance, and then he hangs up the phone.

He crosses the room to his closet in three big steps and snags a t-shirt off of a hanger, pulls it on over his head, slips his feet into a pair of driving shoes. Using the dim glow of his phone as a flashlight, he moves to the kitchen, grabs his keys, and is out the door.

The elevator takes forever.

He speeds, just a little, to make up for it.

It takes far too long in the dark to sort out the key to Sonny’s apartment when he gets there, even though there are only five keys on the ring. The keys jingle cheerfully, and Rafael scowls until he finds the right one, fits it to the lock, lets himself into the still apartment.

“It’s me,” he says, a bit louder than necessary, before closing the door behind him. And he soaks in the quiet for a long moment, then follows the sound of Sonny’s breathing to where the other man is curled up, hyperventilating, on the floor.

“Hey,” he whispers, crouching next to his boyfriend, settling one hand softly on his shoulder. “Hey, you’re okay, I’m here.”

Sonny uncovers his face, attempts a small weak smile. He allows Rafael to gently tug him out of the fetal position. “Nightmare,” he manages, between short quick cut-off gasps of air. “Falling.”

“Shhhhhh,” Rafael breathes. He sits next to Sonny, and the other man moves into his arms. “I’m here. You’re safe.” Sonny leans his head in against Rafael’s chest, Rafael gently strokes Sonny’s hair, and all is quiet for a while.

“It was awful,” Sonny finally says, his voice still a bit uneven. “It was awful, you know? I was falling, I was falling forever, and I couldn’t wait for it to, just, stop. I was him. I was wearing those gloves. Those leather gloves, Rafael, and I was falling forever and there was nobody to save me. And then I woke up and all I could think of was the body: all crumpled, leather gloves and I couldn’t….” He stops to catch his breath, and it catches, like he’s going to hyperventilate again. “I couldn’t, you know, I couldn’t do anything and I, and, and,” and he’s crying.

“Come here,” Rafael says, and gets to his feet, helps Sonny up, guides him to the sofa. “I’m here, I’ll be right back, okay?”

Sonny nods. Rafael leans down and kisses the top of his head. The light from the refrigerator, when opened, is disorienting; Rafael blinks away the bright spots, bottled water cold in his hand. He leans up slightly on his tiptoes and opens one of the kitchen cabinets, grabs a pill bottle, and brings both water and pills back to the sofa where Sonny is waiting.

“Here,” he says, passing the water bottle over to Sonny.

Sonny manages another smile, wipes at his face with the back of his hand. “Thanks,” he says, in a very small voice. He takes a sip of water, and then another, and then sniffles and says “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered…”

“Of course you should have,” is Rafael’s reply. He sits next to Sonny, wraps an arm around his shoulders and feels Sonny collapse in against him. “I should have stayed the night, then I’d have been here.” And he wonders, for perhaps the hundredth time, what Sonny would say if he suggested moving in together. “You don’t have to work in the morning, right?” When Sonny nods, Rafael holds out the bottle. “Do you want to take one?”

A long moment, while Sonny considers the offer of the anti-anxiety tablets. “No,” he says, finally. “Not if you can stay.”

“I can stay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Mmmm,” Sonny murmurs, a negative sound. “No, just come closer, yeah? And tell me a story.”

Rafael grins. “Tell you a story, mmm? Do you want to hear a court case?” he teases, moving into Sonny’s lap. Sonny leans down and pushes the button to make the couch recline, and then wraps his arms around Rafael, pulling him close, holding him tightly.

“I don’t mind what story, just I want to hear your voice,” he replies.

(And Rafael obliges, talking about nothing and everything until they’re both caught up, safe, in sleep.)


End file.
